I had a website that I loved, but I wasn’t sure what to do with it. I wanted people to read it so I spent time writing things I thought might interest someone. I found I lost myself and the reason for wanting a blog in the first place. I wanted to write about my experiences as a pre-published writer. I wanted to share what it’s like to learn about yourself as you continue to grow. What I found was that I spent more time writing about things that didn’t relate to me, wasting time on social networking sites and comparing myself with other pre-published writers.
I lost focus with my WIP, Grim. I thought about publishing, readers, etc. I didn’t think about writing the story I wanted to write. I didn’t think about how this character makes me feel. I got lost.
So, I did what I felt was necessary. I deleted my blog. I deleted a few of my social networks. I stopped reading all but three pre-published writers’ sites. I stopped comparing my process and progress with other people’s. I considered walking away from writing, but I learned that writing wasn’t the issue. It was all the outside distractions.
This journey is about me. No one else, but me. It’s for me, too. I’m a short story writer. I love my short stories. I’m proud of them. I’m proud to call myself a short story author. I know my process for writing a short story. Yes, there are aspects I want to get better at, but that comes with practice. What I’m not is a novel writer. Well, at this stage that’s true because I’ve yet to write a novel. I plan to change that. I’ve never written one, but that doesn’t mean I can’t. Just like with my short stories, I have to figure out my process, what works for me and practice. Practice. Practice.
Practice novels. These are novels you write that most likely will never see the inside of a bookstore. These are stories that help you learn your craft and how to revise. They help you seek representation. They help you seek publication. They’re practice novels and it’s a good thing to have them.
I don’t want Grim to be a practice novel. There’s so much potential in that story, that I’m willing to put it aside until I’ve practice writing a bit more. I’m actively writing a practice novel. I have no publishing expectations for it. I want to learn about myself through writing it. I want to know that I can write a novel. I want to know if I’m a pantser or an outliner or somewhere in-between. I want to work on plot, setting and characters. I want to take my time. I want a first draft so I can go back to it and revise it. I want to rewrite. I want to share it with a few friends. I want the experience.
I got lost in thinking about publishing. It seems to be a writer you must want to be published. Sure, one day, I’d love to walk into a bookstore and see my name on a book. But, I can’t make that my only goal. I write because I love to do it. I write because I have characters in my head that want out. I write for me. If publishing is out there in my future, that’s a bonus. I’ll welcome it. But for right now, all I care about is writing. Writing the stories I want to tell.
This is my journey.
Your story’s not a whole lot different than my story…except, I think yours might have a happier ending. Always remember this moment, and always remember this resolve. Trust me, no matter how flashy the lights are and how nice the people are and how excellent they all might think something is, that is not how your success is defined. YOU are what makes your writing endeavors a success, not anything or anyone else.
Absolute best to you, friend.
You reminded of me of the movie, THE IRON GIANT and what the kid says to the giant. “You are who you choose to be.”
Thanks for the support, Bex.
I love your honesty and how brave you are. My first book, which I desperately wanted to be “the one,” went nowhere. I had a couple requests from agents, but in the end, I had to shelve it. A tiny part of my heart broke with that and I questioned everything.
But I know deep down it’s about the writing, the love of the writing. If it wasn’t, we’d be the quitters, not the writers.
Do what you need to do for yourself and know that you have supporters no matter which path you take!
Thanks Michelle! Your blog is one of the three I still follow. 🙂
I completely get this! and I’m proud of you 🙂 Every month or so, I get bogged down by the negative agent tweets or the slush pile “let’s make fun of this person who wants to be published” blogs, and outside people around me who roll their eyes when I mention writing. It’s then when I fall into this non-writing hole and it takes days to crawl back out. I ignore my google reader, de-follow agents if needed, and stop talking about my book and find that inner peace again.
I wish you best of luck with this upcoming project! I’m sure without the outside influences, it will go much smoother.
Thanks Heather! I’m proud of you too! Good luck with your writing projects as well. 🙂